After my first major breakup four years ago, I thought I’d never heal. But I made it through, and if I can do it, you can too! Here are some important things to remember after a breakup.
Before I get into this post, I just want to say… dating sucks in 2020. If you feel the same way, just know that I am there with you!
Funny story about this article. I originally wrote this after my very first serious boyfriend and I broke up. I published it on my first blog, Style of Change, in 2016.
Looking back, I actually like what I wrote. So, I decided to republish it here!
In case you were wondering about the ex who inspired this post, he and I are not close anymore, but there are no hard feelings between us whatsoever. He’s dating a woman who he seems to be very in love with, and I’m so happy for him.
When my ex and I broke up, things were pretty messy, not gonna lie. For months afterward, we were not on good terms. But over time, we both healed, and now we’re supportive of each other.
Time heals almost everything. Even if things seem bad now, you might be on good terms with your ex in the future.
However, I always encourage you to do what’s best for you. If your ex is extremely toxic or abusive, it might be best for you to completely cut that person out of your life.
I just wanted to make the point that a breakup doesn’t always mean saying goodbye to someone forever. In fact, I could totally see myself getting drinks with my ex and his new lady one day. (LOL)
If you’re heartbroken like I was, I hope you find some valuable advice in this article. It will all get better!
Breakups are never fun.
They’re difficult and painful, but often inevitable. In the middle of a breakup, you don’t always think clearly. You can easily get caught up in negative feelings and think irrationally.
To combat those negative feelings, you should focus on the positive and live your life to the fullest, regardless of the circumstances. It’s also important to think happy thoughts, like the ones I mention in this post.
Need something positive to focus on? Here are 12 comforting things to remember after a breakup:
1. It’s not the end of the world (even if it seems like it).
To put it simply, breakups are hard. Maybe your ex is the person you once thought you would marry. Maybe you don’t understand why it didn’t work out. Maybe you feel physically ill from the heartbreak.
A breakup can feel like the world is ending, but it’s not (I promise). Tomorrow is a new day. The sun will rise, and so will everyone else around you. People will go about their lives just as they normally would. Nothing around you will have changed.
The world is not ending, so don’t stop living your life just because you hit a bump in the road. Get out of bed. Take care of your responsibilities. Seize the day.
It’s okay to be sad after a breakup, but it’s not okay to let it ruin your life. You’ll be able to move past it as long as you’re willing to try.
2. Your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend is not the only person who will ever love you.
If your ex has an abnormally large ego, he or she might have told you that no one else will ever love you again. These words can definitely sting, especially coming from someone you care about.
The good news is that this impulsive statement that your ex might have made about your future love life is completely untrue. (Actually, your ex has probably said a lot of things to you that aren’t true. They’re your ex for a reason; take everything they say with a grain of salt.)
There are so many people for you to meet and potentially start a relationship with in the future. Actually, over 7 billion of them. So, don’t ever lose hope, regardless of what your ex, your mom, or your mean coworker says to you.
There is someone out there just for you.
3. You don’t need to be in a relationship.
After a breakup, it’s important to give yourself enough time to heal before you enter another relationship. The amount of time needed could be a couple of months, or it could be years. It all depends on how you feel.
You’re the only one who will be able to tell when you are over your ex, so just wait it out and let time mend the wounds before you bring another person into the picture.
Besides, it’s important to be relatively happy with your single self before you try to date someone. Dating should mean sharing your positive experiences and happiness with another person instead of relying on that person to make you happy.
You shouldn’t need to be in a relationship to live an exciting life.
4. If you need to find yourself again, now is the time to do it.
Dating changes people—sometimes for the better, and sometimes for the worse.
Especially in toxic relationships, it’s very easy to lose yourself and forget who you are. If you need to do some soul searching and find yourself again, now is the time to do it.
You’re single and free. You can do whatever you want now, without having to worry about an unhealthy relationship preventing you from getting what you really want out of life.
So, make time to go out and have fun, take a trip, or do something wild (but not illegal or life-threatening). Do all of the things that once made you happy. Rediscover your passions and pursue them.
Your ex is no longer an influence on your life, so take all the love you once had for your ex and give it to yourself.
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5. You can take as much time as you need to get over your ex.
Don’t feel the need to rush into anything new after the breakup.
Sometimes, it’s best to just take the time you need to find closure from your previous relationship. While jumping into a new relationship might seem like the easiest way for you to move on from your ex, it often doesn’t work out.
To be fair to anyone you pursue a relationship with in the future, you should be completely over your ex before dating anyone else. You should want to give 100% to any person you decide to be with, and if you still love your ex, you can’t do that.
If it takes 6 months to move on, that’s fine. If it takes a year, or two, or three, that’s fine. Take the time you need to pick up the pieces and find yourself. It will be worth the wait.
6. It’s good to treat yourself every once in a while.
Now that you don’t have to spend money on your ex anymore, you can treat yourself more often.
Buy yourself that awesome thing that you’ve always wanted but never splurged on. Go to a fancy dinner. Whatever you feel will perk you up a little. Even something inexpensive like a cup of coffee or a cookie could potentially make your day a lot better.
Be extra nice to yourself every once in a while. You’ve been through a lot, and you deserve a treat.
7. It’s essential to stay away from dangerous activities or anything potentially harmful.
It’s easy to think irrational and even dangerous thoughts after a breakup. It’s easy to feel really down on yourself. It’s easy to feel worthless. All those negative feelings can drive you to the point of doing things that you wouldn’t normally do in a positive state of mind.
Instead of getting blackout drunk at the bar, go for a run. Draw. Read a book. Whatever will keep you away from doing things that you will likely regret later. Instead of engaging in dangerous activities, be productive. Find a new hobby or rekindle an old one.
Your ex isn’t worth harming yourself over, so don’t do anything reckless. Instead, work on building yourself up instead of breaking yourself down.
8. You shouldn’t date your ex again (unless you have a really good reason to).
There are obviously exceptions to this rule. If you broke up due to an uncontrollable circumstance or if it’s been a long period of time since the breakup, it might be appropriate to give your ex another chance if the circumstance has changed or if the issues you had in your relationship before are resolved somehow.
However, you shouldn’t get back with your ex just because you miss him or her. That, in itself, is not a good enough reason. You should only get back into a relationship if you feel that there is a strong possibility that it could work out.
Don’t be generous with giving out second chances. Unless something significant has changed, you’re wasting your time.
9. You’re actually learning a lot from this.
Through a breakup, you learn so much about yourself. All of a sudden, you aren’t influenced by your relationship anymore. So, who are you? What are you going to do with your time now? What makes you happy?
Now, you’ll be asking yourself these questions, and you will learn so much about yourself that you either forgot or never knew before. Yes, breakups hurt, and sometimes everything about them feels horrible, but there are definitely positive aspects to them.
Seize the opportunity to find yourself again. Always strive to be your best self and to learn more about yourself. That is how you will grow as a person.
10. Staying bitter forever won’t get you anywhere.
It’s understandable to be bitter a few days or a few weeks after the breakup, but bitterness isn’t productive.
By being bitter long after the relationship is over, all you are doing is delaying your own progress. It’s okay to be upset, but don’t linger too much on the negative side of it.
You can take your time to move on from your ex, but don’t spend all your time hating on people that aren’t even a part of your life anymore.
Instead, try to think positive thoughts and engage in productive activities; you will go so much farther than you would if you just sat around and wallowed in your bitterness.
11. You are worth it.
Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. You are always worth it.
Even if people tell you that you are worthless, don’t believe them. They’re wrong. You are a unique person with individual thoughts, feelings, and ideas, and you deserve to feel loved and appreciated.
Your life might have taken a turn in an unexpected direction, but that doesn’t change the fact that you are a wonderful, one-of-a-kind human being that deserves to be happy. You. are. worth. it. Always.
12. It will get better.
This is one of the most important things to remember after a breakup.
The heartache is only temporary. Don’t give up on yourself. As long as you try, you will make it, I promise.