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How to Discover Your Self-Love Language

If you know your self-love language, you can use it to personalize your wellness routine!

Have you ever taken the 5 Love Languages quiz? It’s a resource that helps you determine what you value most in relationships. If you and your partner both take the quiz, it’s supposed to help you understand each other better.

Here are the five love languages defined:

1. Words of affirmation: when people assert their feelings in a verbal or written format (Ex. Saying “I love you”)

2. Acts of service: when people actually do things to show love instead of just talking about them (Ex. Helping with chores around the house)

3. Receiving gifts: when people give gifts to their loved ones

4. Quality time: when people bond with the people they love by spending time with them

5. Physical touch: when people show their love through innocent touch

…and these are my scores from the quiz:

1. Quality time: 9

2. Words of affirmation: 8

3. Acts of service: 6

4. Receiving gifts: 5

5. Physical touch: 2

My results make sense to me. In my previous relationships, I’ve enjoyed spending quality time with my significant others. And when someone says “I love you” or “I’m proud of you,” it means a lot to me.

I think my self-love language is the same as my love language for the most part, but yours might not be. Let’s figure it out together!


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How to find your self-love language

Once you’ve taken the 5 Love Languages quiz and understand how each language works, it’s time to apply those concepts to self-love.

Below is a 3-question quiz that will help you determine your self-love language. To take the quiz, all you need to do is answer each question and record the number of the answer choice you pick. Easy, right?

Here are the quiz questions:

1. Which of the following makes you the happiest?

1. Gratitude journaling

2. Planning your schedule

3. Going to the mall

4. Taking yourself on a date

5. Enjoying a spa day

2. What does a good day look like for you?

1. Thinking to yourself, “Wow, I’m pretty!” after looking in the mirror

2. Checking everything off your to-do list

3. Ordering an ice cream cone “just because”

4. Staying home and reading a book all day

5. Doing yoga

3. What do you feel like you need more of in your life?

1. Positive self-talk

2. Organization in your home

3. Travel

4. Downtime

5. Comfortable clothing

Now, it’s time to check your scores!

In the questions above, each number corresponds to one of the five love languages. Compare your responses to the key below:

1. Words of affirmation

2. Acts of service

3. Receiving gifts

4. Quality time

5. Physical touch

Was there a number that came up more often than the others? If so, that’s your dominant self-love language! If you got three different numbers, that probably means you have multiple self-love languages—or you like to show love to yourself in many ways.

There’s nothing wrong with having multiple self-love languages. In fact, your self-love practices should be well-rounded! Let’s talk about how you can show self-love through each love language.


Ways to practice self-love through words of affirmation

1. Create a gratitude jar.

2. Repeat daily positive affirmations to yourself.

3. Use positive self-talk and silence your inner critic.

4. Write in a journal.

5. Start a personal blog!

6. Create a vision board.

7. Create a focus board.

8. Write yourself a love letter.

9. Make a list of your positive traits.

10. Write down your short-term and long-term goals.


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Ways to practice self-love through acts of service

1. Plan your schedule for the week.

2. Organize your house.

3. Run the errands you’ve been putting off.

4. Fold your laundry.

5. Clean out your junk drawer.

6. Unfollow negative social media accounts.

7. Put all the apps on your phone into folders.

8. Make your doctor’s appointments for the month.

9. Declutter your closet.

10. Volunteer for a cause you’re passionate about.


Ways to practice self-love by receiving gifts

1. Treat yourself to a little shopping trip.

2. Get some ice cream just for the sake of it.

3. Book a flight!

4. Try a new creative hobby and buy the supplies you need for it.

5. Get your nails done.

6. Make your own self-care kit.

7. Invest in your education by taking an online course.

8. Buy yourself some new makeup and skincare products.

9. Buy some new workout clothes (I’ll have all the leggings, please!)

10. Get takeout from your favorite restaurant.


How to practice self-love through quality time

1. Get lost in an amazing book.

2. Watch Netflix in bed all day.

3. Meditate daily.

4. Work on a passion project.

5. Enjoy some screen-free time.

6. Listen to a self-improvement podcast.

7. Take a short road trip by yourself.

8. Listen to music you love and let your problems melt away.

9. Take yourself on a solo date.

10. Plan a mental health day to relax.


How to practice self-love through physical touch

1. Enjoy an amazing workout at the gym.

2. Treat yourself to a massage.

3. Take a bubble bath.

4. Get a new moisturizer for your face.

5. Deep condition your hair.

6. Do some yoga or pilates.

7. Exfoliate your skin.

8. Brush and floss your teeth.

9. Stretch.

10. Go for a walk around your neighborhood.


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Related reads!

1. 15 Ways to Practice Self-Love

2. Build Your Own Self-Care Routine

3. 25 Solo Date Ideas


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What’s your self-love language? Comment below to let me know!

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